The Colonnade...

Here's our dining experience last night. Jeff Foxworthy, I'm sure there's something in all this for you.

First off, remember that we're down in Atlanta in part to assist with Emily's grandmother. She is very frail, and moves about slowly with the assistance of a walker. However, she still loves to be involved with everything going on, and enjoys time spent with Will, who is staying with Emily's parents a few miles away.

Issues started with the Colonnade when we first arrived last night. The host assured us that the table was being prepared, and after a short wait, we were led into the restaurant. Perhaps he didn't notice Emily's grandmother standing right in front of him. During the wait, she elected to stand rather than sit, as it is very difficult for her to sit and stand. Once in one position, she would rather remain as she is.

For some unknown reasoning, the host selected the farthest, out of the way table at the other end of the restaurant. As you can imagine, this caused a problem for Emily's grandmother because she had to steer the walker around all the other diners in the crowded room. I had no idea where our table was; I simply followed the host along, getting more and more annoyed.

Once we were finally seated and Will's toys spread about, our dinner conversation began as usual. We usually discuss what Will has done that day, how things are going in Pittsburgh, the impossibly hot Atlanta weather (to quote Peter King, it's so humid down here I saw a fish swim by the window!) and how my "crew team" is doing. Everyone has had big laughs from the stories of last week.

There was a man sitting alone at a table next to us. His cell phone rang. He took the call, and began speaking to the person on the other end. Don't get me wrong, I'm not rabidly anti-cell phone. I spend enough time with my own phone that I can recognize that one sometimes needs to take calls. However, Mr. Important decided to conduct a business/sales meeting while he was eating dinner, rather than leave the dining room for a more private, polite location.

It really got kind of funny. After awhile, we're all commenting, not very quietly, about how rude it is to talk on a cell phone in a restaurant. Emily wanted a jamming device that could kill any cell signal in a room and was pleasantly surprised that such devices are available on the open market.

Mr. Important finally finished his meeting, after about 10 minutes on the phone. Meanwhile, we're waiting for our food. And waiting. And waiting. Will is getting restless, and a restless 2 year old isn't a fun thing in a restaurant. The food finally comes out, with the waitress forgetting one of Emily's side dishes. (The Colonnade is famous for its sides, many people don't even order entrees, just a large plate of sides.) Will claimed his share and Emily's father ordered another glass of wine, along with her grandfather. Mr. Important is leaving and has the gall to pass out some religious flyers around the restaurant. I was in the bathroom at the time, which possibly saved him from harm.

After I returned, ANOTHER cell phone rang. Again, a table right near us. This guy (why are they always guys?) decided to lean far away from his dining partners so he wouldn't disturb their conversation. However, he leaned right over near our table. By this time, Emily and I are laughing openly at this, rather than getting mad. Getting mad in my case would have meant getting rude.

The waitress has disappeared, without bringing any more drinks or getting Emily's missing fried okra. I'm waiting for another cell phone to ring, just to put a perfect topping on the evening. "The next idiot that takes a cell phone call is getting a roll thrown at them," I thought, fuming. I love going out to dinner, and this outing was spoiled by bad service, incompetent management and morons on their cell phones.

Sure enough, another phone rang. Mine. But it was Jesse, calling with the results of the captain voting. Really important, understand, so I just had to take the call.......

Categories: Personal